Left Foot, Right Foot.

If you’ve been building in 2022, keep building in 2023. Not much has changed so far other than a number in a year. As we progress however, we’ll string together a set of actions that yield results we’ll be proud or mortified about. So best foot forward, always.

New year, Same Me.

Don’t over complicate it. Yes we’re headed into 2023. This makes lots of people feel the need to do something major, just to say they did. It’s far more efficient to just get 1% better each month, or each week. You can get better at one thing with a much higher success rate, based on concentration of energy, and focus or you can do 10 different things and be at the same level you were the previous year.

Either way, it’s not that complicated. Choose wisely.

Years End.

As 2022 comes to a close, Not too much will change. People will still get up and create, or go to work and produce things. Of course it’s always tempting to declare that you will make some major changes within your life, but it’s not necessary. If you want to ensure you become better in 2023, just start by finishing one goal. Work on one project, or write that one memo.

Creat that one video, or short film. Record that one podcast episode. Travel that one trip. Once you do that, rinse and repeat the whole process for thing number two, and so on. Don’t make it more complicated than it already is. You won’t get it all day today or tomorrow, but by doing one thing at a time, you’ll be sure to have a long list of accomplishments by years end.

Since January 1st is almost here. 🙄😒😑

Nobody gives a damn that this is the year you do whatever you say you’re going to do. We don’t care. All we want is action. If you’re not about that action, shut up and watch the rest of us build something. So many of us get caught up in the new year nonsense.

JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE! You had everything under control November 31st. But for some reason, when December 31st gets here, everyone is “taking their life to the next level”. January 1st is just another day for you to do exactly what you’ve done your entire life. If it was that serious, you would just get active.

Stop with the bullhorn announcements. We just want to see action.

Decisions…

When you consider every decision you make, you really have to ignore or disregard a lot of other things. Initially you have a plethora of options. From there, it’s a subset of options that lead to the potential for really good or really bad outcomes or experiences. Some of us might narrow it down to two, and pick from there, while others will be considering three final options, and decide on a final outcome removing the other two. As you think back, you have so much to consider that went into the decision making process, and so many things that you didn’t even think about.

There’s a cost involved in that final decision, be it the time it takes to decide on something, versus how much you could have made based on that time if you were to spend it, working. There is also the risk of picking the least desirable outcome, based on cognitive biases you were most susceptible to in that particular scenario. This possibility of a bad choice, could cost you more than just money. It could also cost you more time, being that you’ll realize that outcome is not what you want. From there you spend time finding ways to change your circumstances.

This process, more or less goes on continually until our final days. I just wanted to map some of it out.

Next year.

As the year begins to come to a close, I can say, there is a lot more that needs to be done. However, Resting more was a good thing. Being productive was a good thing. Even having lazy days, were a good thing. As much as I want to point out flaws and mistakes, everything that happened so far this year served a purpose.

Going into next year, there are many intentions, and things I’d like to do, ultimately as long as I live my best life, the rest will take care of itself. How will you approach the new year?

Currency vs Legacy.

The moment we get good enough at something, we assume we can do it professionally. This is rarely the case for most of us. Until you’ve gotten requests and money handed to you for that specific request, it’s probably best, to just keep practicing. I find that doing things for money versus doing things because you enjoy them are two different universes. Things change when there’s a check on the line.

You don’t have that same passion, devotion, and curiosity, because you’re blinded by how much you’re going to make. Once money is involved it also becomes a race against the clock. You begin to disregard the details. The conversation goes from how much better you can become at that skill, to how much volume you do in a shorter amount of time. Being able to blend creativity, & currency with passion and, devotion, is definitely the ultimate goal.

Sweat Equity.

The next best thing is not a higher paying job as myself or others have thought it to be. The next best thing is building your own company. Whatever your specialty is, just build a business around it. It may be slow and take forever, but you’ll be able to call your own shots and pass it down to family members that come after you. You can have equity in something that your have full control over, if you’re willing to put in the extra work to make it become a reality.

Stay True.

As much as some of us say we don’t care about opinions, it’s somewhat of a lie. Especially for those of us who create art or sell products to customers. We do want people to like what we offer. We do want acceptance and approval from large groups of people. On the other hand, we can’t cause that desire of acceptance to alter our creative process, or manufacturing process to the point where we lose our authenticity.

Make plans for your plan.

Always planning ahead is much better than playing it by ear. I promise you something will always come up and try to ruin your glory. Don’t let that happen. If you’re always planning for a “just incase” moment, you won’t be so thrown off by any wrenches that are flung at your forehead inexplicably. This is an overly complicated way of saying, don’t be so lax. Stay on your toes.

As the saying goes, proper preparation, prevents piss poor, performance.

Side note: the market gets choppier by the week. Sucks if you overpaid for a subpar business. Absolutely fabulous if you bought a great business at an attractive price, and have a longterm time horizon. Honestly, what the hell do I know? I’m just as fascinated by the roller coaster actions of financial markets as any other novice.

Over the short term it makes for great content. Over the long term, it’s anybody’s guess as to what the hell is going to happen next. Hindsight will forever be 20/20.

Be of service.

At this point in the business cycle people begin looking for help, looking for motivation, and looking for solutions to their problems. Learn to be opportunistic by providing the best solutions to solvable problems. Filling an untapped gap seems to be a proven way to make a dent in the universe. Especially during troubling times.

Best piece of advice I can give…

Is not to take a piece of advice. Find out for yourself what it is you need in order to get to the next spot. It’s not easy, but you have to be willing to go through what the giver of the advice went through, assuming they are in the position you want to be in. Otherwise, keep working on you. You’ll get all of the “advice” you need by way of experience.

Success or failure will give you want you need to make things happen. All advice is not good advice worth considering. Even reading this post is not going to do for you, what action or inaction will do for you in regards to your goals. Just because someone has experience, doesn’t necessarily mean their situation is the same as yours. You have to be able to look outside of yourself, and see what you’re doing right, and what you’re doing wrong.

Write down the details, and readjust the plan if need be. Getting advice from others is only going to get you so far. You have to be in the thick of it, to get answers sooner rather than later. Just don’t take my word for it.

Micro…

Micromanaging your goals makes it much easier to stay accountable. When you are focused on the everyday process, it’s much easier to see if you’re getting closer to your desired results or stalling. Micromanagement also keeps you from getting distracted because there are so many details to consider along the way. We all have big goals we want to pursuit, and we should all know by now that breaking those big goals down into tiny tasks is less daunting on the body, and not as intimidating to the mind. You have to start somewhere so focus on the small parts, and work your way up.

You or else.

Being able to maneuver between the nonsense is what matters most. You have to have your own thesis. Everyone around you is already caught up in their own web. You can’t solely rely on what you think is good from others. At some point you have to think your own decisions through.

You also have to become more cognizant of deciding whatever is next. It may fee uncomfortable, but it’s actually much better to block out everything your hear. Look within and trust yourself to do what’s best.

Luck or fate?

Is there true skill to buying businesses via the stock market? The businesses that you buy have to actually perform and generate profit while minimizing or managing debt levels. Customers have to want that product enough to pay a premium for it, assuming the business has high margins. The government, and politics surrounding the business have to be in line with how the business works and produces good and services. The usefulness of the product needs to be based on customers needs (food, beverage, etc.) or their taste (style, technological advancements etc.).

The product could be so good that people just can’t live without it, so the business gets to enjoy all of the aforementioned perks. Either way, it still seems like a bit of randomness when you factor in all of the changing parts from day to day. So really, it all seems to be a game of guessing, numbers and probabilities, based on previous circumstances, and what may or may not occur in the future while managing the present.

Now is the time.

The opportunity to get ahead seems to be more clear as each month passes. What looks like complete disaster to some, is perfect timing for others. You really have to stay focused on what your target is. Keep it simple and work on the task at hand, as if it is all you have and will ever have. This way you don’t waste your waking moments on frivolous nonsense missing out on ways to get things done. We don’t have a lot of time. Make it count by executing your plans.

Change is always…

Stay ready to pivot. Life is going to occur moment to moment. The best we can do is write down our plans while preparing for possible changes to abruptly end whatever path we thought was a sure thing. Just because things are constantly in flux doesn’t mean you should stop being meticulous. It just means that, you should always carry with you the understanding that things can change whenever the universe is ready.

The only time you have to adjust for those changes is as soon as you notice, or see that it’s time. It sounds so stupid, but it seems to be a recurring theme in life. The only constant in life is change itself.

Let’s take advantage.

Sometimes we forget how fortunate we are, by our lack of enthusiasm and effort. Recognize that you were given many chances for a reason. Some people did not make it through the same difficulty that you did. Take that as a sign, to fulfill your deepest desires. We only have one opportunity to make this life our very best.

Sit around and pout for the rest of your life, or get up do something with your time that will make a valuable difference for you and those around you.

Shift Shaper.

Everything you’ve done, and consumed up until right now has lead you to wherever you currently are. I’d suggest a major shift in your consumption and behavioral habits begin immediately if you’re aiming to become something or someone you want to be but are not at the moment. The news you consume, the hero’s you admire, and the people you keep around you all need to change if it gets you closer to your ultimate goal.

You say this, and say that…

Schedule that exam, go do that interview, or start that idea you were so hyped about. You talk a good game about what you can do, and what you want to do. You’re good making yourself believe and sometimes others buy into it as well. We now need you to execute these plans you keep yapping about. You can waste a lot of time talking yourself up, but one who is efficient at finishing tasks is the one who will command the most freedom.

Get it done for yourself, and teach others to get it done, so you can be free the way you say you want to be.

A word.

Regardless of what you see and here about how things are going south, and panic is setting in, you still have to produce ideas and products. You still have to stay optimistic enough to keep a longterm perspective on everything. If we get too fixated on how bad things seem to be now, we might throw in the towel, and that doesn’t seem to make the most sense. Organize your life on the other side of chaos because as usual there will be a reversal or reversion of some sort. It might now be as profound as the past, or enough of a push into the future, but things will normalize over time.

Make it your goal to come out more intelligent, stronger, better off financially, and sharper mentally. What else are you going to do with your time?

Prepare in advance…

For the good and the bad. Prepare for any and every situation in life, because at some point life is going to tear you down. It’s your responsibility to build yourself back up. You can’t expect blissful days and peaceful nights all of the time. You will fall, you will fail.

This we know is a part of the process. The comeback is what really matters most, because it shows you who you really are when you suffer from defeat. It reveals whether you can stomach the pain, and keep moving. Whatever your goals, and dreams are, make sure you remember that darkness will be a part of the equation.

Changing gears…

You can make a difference by being first or by doing it your way. Being first to make change is obvious. What’s not always obvious is the fact that you are one of one, so the way you help make change is unique enough to create real impact. Of course there are many others ways to make change in a literal and figurative sense. Other examples include “everyone says no, but I’m saying yes”.

Making change means stepping up when others decide not to step at all. Change is good. Change is constant. Change can be as simple as wearing a different colored uniform, or as impactful as stopping someone from being a bully or being bullied. No matter what change you choose, always remember you’re either a part of the problem, or the solution.

No Herd Zone!

This zone right here, is for free thinking and giving yourself the green light to make things happen. Herd mentality is counterproductive. It’s counterintuitive. It’s a death sentence. You don’t have to follow the herd.

However you do need to be mindful of what direction the herd is going in. This way you can take a detour after you assess what the best possible scenario is for your most desired or realistic outcome. You don’t stalk the herd. You don’t gaze into the herd. You utilize it as a compass. That’s it.

It’s up to you as a doer and starter to maintain your own wisdom. You know you’re on a mission, so stay focused. Keep creating and doing things that will challenge yourself and others. The herd will continue to wait for direction from the head farmer. This lets you know what social convention is at the moment, and allows you to adjust in a contrarian manner.

I predict….(Shut up).

When we get fairly good at something we think we understand what the future will be in a particular arena. There are so many variables involved in what can cause things in the future to be different. I’d say there are probabilities that exist on both a small and large scale. Aside from that, being prepared in advance for a variety of scenarios is the only way to hedge against disaster or major changes within a given timeframe. Some people will give extremely broad predictions of 3 to 5 major things that have a high probability of happening, or things that will cover them being wrong in one area.

If you’re going to make predictions, stick to one idea. Today everyone is making predictions and it’s extremely irritating, because most don’t have a clue what’s about to occur. We can’t interrupt the world with our nonsense. Just stay prepared for whatever comes and let it run it’s course. I myself fall victim to trying to print out the future in advance, whether through business analysis, or major domestic issues or changes to daily activities via tech.

It’s better to mind our business and stay ready for whatever.

Stop with the excuses.

60 seconds are in a minutes. 60 minutes in one hour. 24 hours in one day. 365 days in one year. Stop saying you don’t have time.

You have time but you keep deciding to replace it with excuses. You don’t have to accomplish every single goal next week. You do have to wake up earlier or go to sleep later in order to work on creating your very best life. Make the sacrifices and stop doubting your ability to get shit done. I’ve had many conversations over the years with people.

Nothing drives me crazier than listening to a fully functioning adult with no severe issues saying they don’t have time. Yes you do. The time you spend whining about a lack of time is time that could be spent working on your craft. Play games if you want to. At the end of your life, when you’re 80, 90, 100 years old, it was you who kept making excuses or you who took control and decided to get things done no matter what.

Self-Control.

We can not control others. We might be able to teach others, or influence and motivate others, but that’s the most we can get out of it. When it comes to self however, you can control a lot. You still can’t control 100 percent of your life, but there is a lot more room for growth here. You can dictate who you spend time with.

You can adjust your diet, and incorporate exercise to improve your health. You can increase your knowledge base by reading, studying and understanding new topics of interest. You can meditate to keep your mind calm, and your focus sharp. You can earn degrees or certificates that allow you better opportunities for a salary increase and more professional relationships. You can become a better partner to your spouse, by understanding their love language and supporting their goals and dreams, while pursuing your own.

I think you get the point by now. If you spend time focusing on what only you can control, the rest will fall into place.

Resolutions are useless.

You don’t need resolutions to get things done. If anything, resolutions will insure that you don’t end up doing anything. Just set some goals, but more importantly, change your behavior. You first need to become cognizant of your behavior, mistakes or misfortune. Understanding that you may have a productivity dilemma, will allow you to see it clearly.

Once you are cognizant of that dilemma, your mind can begin searching for solutions. Once you find solutions, cross reference their effectiveness, and utilize what actions are in line with your personality, you can adjust your behavior. Once you get to change your daily behavior, your habits will follow. When you are habitually obliging to your desired results, it will become a part of who you are if maintained over a sustained period of time.

Stay ready.

If you’ve been paying attention at all, you know how much the country is changing or trying to change as of late. I used to be naive and swear that none of it mattered. There are a lot of things occurring right in front of us. There is less and less secrecy. In layman’s terms, become aware of the system.

Study the system, and use the system to ensure you are protecting yourself, your rights and those around you. Although there is only so much we can do, it’s better to be informed than mislead into complete destruction.

Because you love yourself.

If you really want to love yourself, you’ll exercise and eat cleaner. You’ll stop hanging around toxic people that put you down. You’ll increase your current level of intelligence. You’ll do more things that you love. You’ll utilize every minute of everyday instead of letting time go to waste. You’ll say what you need to say instead of never fully expressing yourself.

You will find a way to live the very best life you possibly can, because you realize nobody can do it for you.

I’m so biased.

Are you trying to change one of your belief systems? If so, prepare for a battle. Since we have been raised in a certain setting, we already have many biases across a narrow or broad set of categories. We literally have thought patterns and processes that active when we say, do, or see specific things based on our upbringing. So you’ll have to become aware of the bias that you want to address first.

Figure out what triggers this bias, the behavioral ticks associated with it, and how to counter that reaction with a new habit or thought process. Now rinse and repeat for every other bias you want to change, remove or improve.

People Love Lists…

1). Mind your damn business.

The internet has given us too much access to everyone else’s life. Instead, we need to focus on improving our own situation. It’s more impressive to become what you admire most in others.

2). Money comes and goes.

Although we need dollars to pay our living expenses, we also need hope. We need to be excited enough about our pursuit, so we can press on when shit hits the fan. (It always does at some point).

3). Eat a little cleaner, and break a fucking sweat.

I can go on & on for days about the importance of health. I run 7 days a week, and lift weights twice a week. Been exercising for 20 years. It’s one of the best things about my life. You don’t have to training 7 days a week. Two days a week every single week will suffice. Trust me, once you’ve gotten used to the soreness, you’ll fall in love with how much better your life is overall.

4). Study finance. (But what about rule 3!? 🤫)

Maybe not from an academic standpoint. Study it so you can understand, no longer be afraid of it, and can utilize it to your advantage. Stocks, Bonds, ETF’s. Annuities, savings, budgeting, capital allocation, taxes, etc. There’s probably a lot you haven’t discovered yet.

5). Be grateful for the little things.

You woke up today. You can see. You can hear, you can walk, or talk. Maybe you are surrounded by people that love you. Maybe you got a raise or were brave enough to make a living doing work you love. Did you eat today? Consider yourself wealthy in that respect. There’s real suffering going on all over the world, if all you have to complain about is what restaurant to eat at next, YOU’RE WEALTHY BEYOND BELIEF.

Now that you have a new list to check off, get to it!

Although the journey is long…

You’re going to have to deal with the bullshit that comes along. Life is wild. We can try to make the best of it. We can make plans, and work hard and all of that other stuff. The stars align when they are ready.

Not because you’re some magical being, that makes things happen at the snap of a finger. Life pushes back. Hurdles appear, and you have to make adjustments on the fly, very often. Find comfort in continuing to be adaptable. Be able to stay fluid in preparation. Understand that the process will never be short & sweet.

Unfortunately we can’t live a fulfilling life without chaos, and uncertainty. Honestly the chaos and uncertainty make life worth living. Do the best with what you have, just always be ready to clear hurdles, at a moments notice.

Learn from them.

Learning from your mistakes is crucial to getting better. The trick is not in not making anymore mistakes ever again. The trick is to genuinely get feedback from the dumb idea or decision. Using that feedback when moving forward to correct any mishaps, and paying attention to the red flags 🚩🚩🚩, when they appear, to keep from going off track again. You have to keep living your truth. You will always run into turbulent times.

Just make sure you’re not repeating the same mistakes, over and over, and over and over again. We also have the privilege of learning from other people’s mistakes, which can be a huge help.

10:09pm

In regards to my previous post, “stretched” is an inaccurate interpretation of my current state of being. Agitation would better fit the description of my psychological resistance. The meaning of life, the organizational structure of financial literacy, how to stay fulfilled. It’s all hitting at once, or maybe I just need R.E.M sleep. So there is no coping mechanism, except to push forth with finding more truth in all that is life.

The teacher must always be a student…

Although I’ve tried to refrain from posting on social media, I fell victim to an interesting idea. An individual posted this:

“If you can’t be taught then I know you have nothing to teach me therefore I don’t need you around me”.

This was my response:

“Being cognizant of the fact that you probably don’t know all that there is to know, and the fact that you are interested in more than what was taught to you, is paramount in the ability of ones self to remain a student.

The very best teachers have an ability to ingest new ideas as well as considering older ideas in order to grasp a better understanding of what others would perceive as that teachers mastery of a singular subject.

The teacher that is wise enough to keep learning, regardless of their expertise & level of skill, is the ultimate duty.

The problem I see via social media and even in real life social interactions is the fact that when two individuals converse one or both feel the need to be “right” or one must “one-up” the other because there are also spectators observing the social interaction between two via your followers, commenters etc on social media or other individuals observing in real life.

Ergo we often try to overcompensate to rid ourselves of any possibility of social embarrassment on account of any mishaps or inaccurate information given within the social interaction.

I might be way off so yeah. Also, most of us just regurgitate what we hear as opposed to implementing parts of what we learn into our own daily existence to reach whatever we consider is success.

We essentially parrot outside ideas and influences. So a lot of us are a lot stupider than we give ourselves credit for.

It’s hard to discern whether my conceptualization of said topic is my own voice and truth or a combination of every other persons ideas I’ve been exposed to over time, that are injecting their energy into this comment.

The fact that I was ignorant enough to feel I could contribute something useful to this idea alone is what will continue to be wrong with social media & parts of society as a whole.”

Intellectual Curiosity…

If asked what I am doing, I might respond with, “I’m not sure”. As long as I can satisfy the impulsive energy within me. I am on a life long quest. Learning as much as I can, and formulating that into whatever I would consider the definition of success. Okay Maybe not success, but more so the meaning or purpose of life.

I am uncertain as to how this quest will end. Luckily this is just the very beginning. As I’ve spent the better half of two years, going through life trying to define things. I now realize, that I’m just as dumb as I was before. The twist? I am dedicated to becoming 1% better, each day, week, month, & year.

If the process can be manifested or created through thought, writing, or mere conversation, that is all fine with me. Really I just think it may or may not be time to begin organizing some of my new thoughts.

I kind of cringe at the idea of having my own thoughts and ideas. How on earth can I find my own voice, while paging through so many others ideas and discoveries? When will my thoughts truly be my own?

I don’t know, but for now we can pick up where we left off. Formulating the random ideas I seek to understand. Even the thought of this blog post & it’s randomization, is almost offensive in a way. Apologize, I must not. I can only hope to continue the process.

The process of education. The process of deeper understanding. The process of truly finding and cultivating my own voice through writing, and through conversation. Here we go again.

Yeah I said it…

Not everybody that has social media accounts is outgoing. Not all of us are into posting selfies and showing off the latest fashion. We are not all the life of the party. We are not all conversation starters. No not all of us with access to social media care about your opinion of what we post and how we post it. Some of us need a break from this circus. Some of us need to refuel in order to continue trying to find our own lane of self-love and self-worth on the world’s fastest active highway (the internet). Not all of us want to share every microscopical nuance, detail, or crevice of our complete being. Some of us need a minute to think things through. Some of us are overly stimulated by superficial ideas of a fantasy that seems to be reality whenever we pick up these mindless devices. Not all of us want to complain about politics that have very little to do with taking care of ourselves and loved ones. Not all of us want to be lit 24 hours a day. Some of us need meaning. Some of us have perspective. Some of us desire a simpler way of doing while managing complex thought patterns. We are not all exactly alike. We do not all laugh at the same things. But one thing we all are is human, if that makes any fucking sense at all. In conclusion, I still have a 9 mile race to complete in about 20 days and it annoys me to only speak on that part of the journey. So yeah, I’m not good at being an airhead. But I am good at being an asshole. More accurate I’m good at being myself. Being who I am is okay. Being who you are is okay. You don’t need acceptance from an outside source. Just live your truth, and be creative, be thoughtful, be decisive, and be inspiring. Not necessarily for others. Mainly for self. But of course if it helps someone get through their day, you done more than enough with your precious time.

#leongenesis #yourmomsfavoritepersonaltrainer #letsgetit #letswork #alwaysworking

Trauma, Suffering, and Being Hurt.

We’ve all been hurt. We have all suffered from some sort of traumatic experience. It doesn’t matter how big or small the experience was. When it happened and the pain hit you, you knew you would never be the same. What people like to tell you is “you’ll be okay”.

They say things like “let it go”. “In 5 years it won’t matter, life will be better and you’ll forget”. What people fail to tell you, is that you’ll begin to wrap your world around this trauma you have suffered from. They never tell you that it won’t go away, and that some days you’ll even have nightmares about reliving it. You’ll even dream about things being better, only to wake up to the same traumatic realizations.

They don’t tell you how much it hurts. They don’t tell you what to do when you’re at a gathering and all of a sudden that traumatic experience burst back into your mind. Now you’ve fallen down the rabbit hole of anxiety, wanting a way out, and feeling like you’re not good enough. They never tell you how to become worthy of self love again. They just keep saying “accept it, and know your worth”.

What if my worth it tainted by my traumatic experience? Who will understand, and how can they understand, if they are not me and have never gone through such things, but are hired to help me “get over it” or “let it go”? What does that even mean? Get over what? The pain, and suffering, the unfulfilled promises.

Getting over the flashbacks. How is that truly and undeniably possible all on my own? So we’re often scarred for life. Wondering when we’ll ever feel normal again. Unfortunately I wrote this, without thinking of how I too was able to let things go.

Oh wait….I’m still not over it.

This is the reality. You end up just living with the bullshit experience until it has less power over you. Just remember to be prepared for it to creep back up on you from time to time, until you cycle through the part where you can live with it again and back to trauma and living again and again and again.

The End.

Trauma, Suffering, and Being Hurt.

We’ve all been hurt. We have all suffered from some sort of traumatic experience. It doesn’t matter how big or small the experience was. When it happened and the pain hit you, you knew you would never be the same. What people like to tell you is “you’ll be okay”.

They say things like “let it go”. “In 5 years it won’t matter, life will be better and you’ll forget”. What people fail to tell you, is that you’ll begin to wrap your world around this trauma you have suffered from. They never tell you that it won’t go away, and that some days you’ll even have nightmares about reliving it. You’ll even dream about things being better, only to wake up to the same traumatic realizations.

They don’t tell you how much it hurts. They don’t tell you what to do when you’re at a gathering and all of a sudden that traumatic experience burst back into your mind. Now you’ve fallen down the rabbit hole of anxiety, wanting a way out, and feeling like you’re not good enough. They never tell you how to become worthy of self love again. They just keep saying “accept it, and know your worth”.

What if my worth it tainted by my traumatic experience? Who will understand, and how can they understand, if they are not me and have never gone through such things, but are hired to help me “get over it” or “let it go”? What does that even mean? Get over what? The pain, and suffering, the unfulfilled promises.

Getting over the flashbacks. How is that truly and undeniably possible all on my own? So we’re often scarred for life. Wondering when we’ll ever feel normal again. Unfortunately I wrote this, without thinking of how I too was able to let things go.

Oh wait….I’m still not over it.

This is the reality. You end up just living with the bullshit experience until it has less power over you. Just remember to be prepared for it to creep back up on you from time to time, until you cycle through the part where you can live with it again and back to trauma and living again and again and again.

The End.

Back in hiding.

In the last year and a half I’ve spent much more time posting on social media. Instagram has been my new favorite. Yes I’ve had Instagram for a while. Just started as a myspace person. Evolved to Facebook, and stayed dedicated to Facebook for years.

Than I hated seeing the negative activity from people I knew. So I spent more time developing my Instagram content. Now I’m to the point where it’s all too much. I’m not quitting. I just needed a short break.

It’s very taxing mentally and emotionally devoting your time to staring at a screen, creating hashtags, trying to be hip, or sell products. Some days it seems forced. You get insecure when nobody likes your post or you have a low view count. If I continue down that path I’ll never get back to being happy with the ability to be myself. Regardless of likes and peer reviews of my ideas.

Who gives a shit what you think of me!? I know I’m flawed but I still love me. Regardless of my social media activity. I can go on but why bother?

The End.

Fuck being perfect.

Here I am once again. Exhausted, disappointed in where I am (as always), looking for that dose of euphoria. I am in need. I don’t need what I think I need though. I think I need to reinvent myself once again.

No this is not the case. What I really need at the core is REST! SLEEP! Sensual, Seductive, Sleep! I need to shut the world off and close my eyes long enough to rebuild my muscles, my spirit and most importantly my mind.

Maybe that part of the reason I came back here. I can vent, release and vanish into thin air. Well that’s all I’ve got for now. I missed this!

If you’re wondering what I’ve been up to…

I flew to Pennsylvania to visit family and host a fitness seminar. It was such a blessing to be able to catch up with childhood friends, and see my family. I ate good, and got to instruct my first fitness seminar. So many emotions, so many memories. I can’t wait until the next fitness seminar! 

Don’t wish. WORK!

 Wishing things into existence is not how you acheive a goal. Every single day is a grind. Every moment in time is an opportunity to set the tone for the way you carry yourself. Don’t blow it, thinking about the short term success. 

The challenge.

  Sometimes you have to take the loss, and live life. There are only so many opportunities that will come directly within your reach. The rest you either take, or never see. Do something with what you have right where you are. Forget the debt. Forget the break up. Forget rock bottom. Just live in that moment of bliss when it arrives. 

Non of that “fake it until you make it” shit.

  Stop pretending and faking. Just be who you are at all times. Yes show some manners, be professional when the time is right. Just don’t lie to the people. We want your truth. 

Simple.

Give everything or get nothing. 

Giving back…

13 Days Left!!!! The day I heard the phrase “readers are leaders, and learners are earners” I never forgot it, and never will. Now I want to turn half of that phrase into an annual celebration and give back. 

Books mean more to me than even I know. The kids are the future and they need the information to succeed. A lot of that information is inside of books. Help me put a book or two inside of the hands, hearts and homes of Lancaster, City Kids! 

Thank you to every donor that made a conscious effort to help me bring this fundraiser to life.

#TheNextGoal

#TurningItIntoACharity

#LegacyOverCurrency 

#ReadersAreLeaders

#August26th2017

#LancasterPa

Brought to you by Leon Benson.

Word to the wise!

  The world will constantly try to set limitations on what you can and can’t do. Who you can and can not be. 

  Do what you want and be who you are! Whatever feels real to you. Whatever makes you smile. Whatever gives you energy. That is what you should be dedicating your entire existence to! 
  Your happiness should always be more important than the opinions and ideas of others.

That’s not really a secret.

It’s actually very simple: Wake up everyday and handle your business. 

The end.